Well, guys, this has been quite the journey so far. Opinions were strongly expressed! Friendships were tested! Some people were kind of mean to a certain adorable baby donkey! (Also, there were a surprising amount of write in votes for a young Keanu Reeves, which… was unexpected.) But forget all of that! Now we’re at the most exciting juncture of the competition: from now on YOU GUYS GET TO VOTE FOR EVERYTHING!
So no more, “Mean Maureen, are you kidding me with that harp seal?” Or “Mean Maureen, are you BLIND to choose the otter over the baby duck?” Or even “Mean Maureen, with your anti duckling AND your anti baby penguin vote, a disturbing pattern has emerged are you secretly “anti birdite?” No! (Wait… am I???) No!
But seriously, there’s no more room for criticism because now you can vote for every animal. If your fave loses, you have no one to blame but yourselves! And/or possibly your favorite animal itself because seriously, when you think about it? Maybe it should try being cuter. (JK ANIMALS, I LOVE YOU ALL, LET’S BE BEST FRIENDS.)
As per usual, I’ll express my opinion, but the only thing that counts are the votes! If there is a tie, my opinion will be the tiebreaker. But let’s hope there are no ties because guys? I’m kind of tired of my opinion.
So let’s get to it! First, here are our results from last week’s tie and comeback animal competition:
The winner of the wild card round was red panda by a landslide, and the comeback animal was… well, we’ll get to that at the end. It was a tough, hotly contested race and the decision was… perhaps unorthodox. Anyway, that’s at the end! For now, get to votin’!
vs. baby bear
This one is a heartbreaker for me, because wolves, as I’ve stated, are among my fave animals, and this living teddy bear is like a childhood dream come true. But as my wise friend Christine said, none of these baby animals came here to make friends. And neither did I. I choose baby wolf.
But remember it’s not up to me! VOTE:
Vs. baby gorilla
Uh oh, we’ve got ourselves a primate showdown! Baby orangutan vs baby gorilla! WHO WILL PREVAIL??? Well, at this point we know all of the animals are exemplary specimens of cute. So we have to break it down. Is there anything *especially* cute in either of these photos? Okay, sure – the orangutan’s hair and the gorilla sticking his tongue out. So, let me just blow your mind here for a minute: what if he wasn’t sticking his tongue out? Would he be just as adorable? Adorable, yes, but JUST as adorable? I don’t know. ALL orangutans have super cute hair (… is orangutans the plural? Or simply orangutan? Or even more simply that adorable primate with the Albert Einstein hair?) ANYWAY. They all have super cute hair, but not all gorillas stick their tongues out all the time – I vote baby orangutan.
But what say YOU???
WATER ENVIRONMENT BRACKET
Vs. baby hippo
Hoo boy, tough one. The otter is furry, which I love, but the baby hippo is wrinkly which I also love. What the hell, baby animals? Why are you all so cute in all of the ways that I love? WHY HAVE I BROUGHT THIS UPON MYSELF AND YOU ALL??? Okay, Maureen, calm down. Be logical. The baby otter is going to be relatively cute forever. The baby hippo is going to turn into a terrifying beast from a nightmare dimension in a few short months/years. Is that a fair way to judge a baby’s cuteness? Yes! Yes, it is, I’ve arbitrarily decided. My vote is baby otter, because it won’t one day eat someone (only its own adorable paw!)
But am I being unfair? Let me know, via your votes!
Baby harp seal…
Vs. baby polar bear
Well, one one level this is a very tough showdown between two classic titans of cute. On the other hand… we’re left with two preeeetty similar looking animals here, so it makes it almost easier. Who is pulling off this white and fluffy and probably freezing cold to the touch look here? Gonna have to go with the face that launched a million Coca Cola sales, polar bear.
OR AM I INSANE??? (Specifically about this, only. No votes re: my general sanity.)
Vs. baby giraffe
Oh snap. This battle cuts to my very soul. We have two titans of baby animal adorability facing off and it is UGLY. Well, no, the opposite of ugly, actually. But it’s tough! Do you go big ears or big doe eyes! Do you go bizarrely long neck or bizarrely long nose (trunk)? It’s sincerely a toss up, but I think… my gut goes baby elephant. Simply because they seem so full of joy. Also, because elephants never forget and I don’t want any grown up baby elephants showing up at my retirement home, looking for revenge.
But maybe you don’t care about elephants tormenting me in my golden years, what do you think?
Vs. baby donkey
Look, sometimes in life, no one agrees with you. This is one of those times. I KNOW NO ONE LOVES THE BABY DONKEY AS MUCH AS I DO. AND I DON’T CARE. He’s adorable, he’s full of leaping joy, and he is the underdog (donk) of this whole competition. I love you baby goat, but somehow, somewhere in this crazy undertaking, this sweet baby donkey stole my heart. Baby donkey forever.
But probably I’m wrong in this eyes of most people, what do you vote?
WILD CARD BRACKET
Baby fennec fox…
Vs. baby red panda
Well, I’ll keep this one short and sweet – the fennec fox is one of the cutest foxes I’ve ever seen. BUT the baby red panda looks like one of the cutest foxes I’ve ever seen PLUS A DAMN PANDA BEAR. You can’t argue with that math.
Or can you?
DOMESTIC BRACKET VS…. OUR COMEBACK
KID BABY ANIMAL
Okay, you guys, I made an executive decision because, believe it or not, THE VOTE OFF BETWEEN THE ALPACA AND MOMONGA BABIES ENDED IN A GOD DAMNED TIE. Because champions of the alpaca and momonga were SO vocal, I decided, in a crazy, bold, never-would-be-allowed-in-a-real-election move, to AX one of the finalists and replace it with BOTH the momonga AND the alpaca.
*pause for collective gasp*
That’s right. I decided to boot out the most normal and perhaps least exciting animal of the sweet 16, my dear, beloved puppy, in favor of breaking this dang tie through hard polling data. Also, since there were such passionate fans of both the momonga and the baby alpaca, I figured they both deserved a moment in the sun and a chance to move on to the elite 8. So here they are!
Vs. baby alpaca
I’m not gonna overthink it, I’m gonna go baby momonga. They are both insanely cute, but I love the fat cheeks and big eyes of the lil’ dwarf flying squirrel. I am anticipating violent, angry disagreement from the alpaca lobby, but let’s please funnel your rage into the voting: