Tag Archives: #movies

Movie (or TV) Monday: Shark Lake

Oh my god, you guys.  I stumbled upon the trailer for this movie while looking for something else and man am I happy that I did, because it is just so WONDERFULLY stupid.  It’s actually PERFECT in its stupidity.  Every dumb aspect of it is so beautifully executed, I don’t even have words for it.  It’s like stupid ballet.  Highlights: the anonymous phone call to the police to help them narrow down their search for the lake killer: “Your killer’s definitely not a bear.”  (HA!)  The grizzled sheriff pointing out the obvious: “Who’s ever heard of a shark in a lake?”  (AmIright???)  And my personal favorite – what feels like about a million shots of people firing guns into a lake.

In fact, before we go any further, just please watch it for yourself and get back here to discuss!

HAHAHAHA.  So, okay, I don’t know how on earth this movie was greenlit.  Maybe everyone was riding high on that sweet, sweet Sharknado wave, maybe someone wasn’t fully paying attention when using the Yes, Let’s Spend Millions Of Dollars on This stamp, or maybe, just maybe, it went a little something like this:

INT. STUDIO EXEC’S OFFICE

A nervous young screenwriter/director sweats profusely while standing in front of a bored looking executive.  He’s been waiting his whole life for this chance.  Stumbling slightly over his words, he begins his pitch.

WRITER/DIRECTOR

So, my story is about a single mom who starts putting

herself through night school, and-

The studio exec jolts himself out of a daze.

STUDIO EXEC

Sorry, I fell asleep there for a

second. Got any other ideas?

WRITER/DIRECTOR

Uh, of course!

Absolutely panicked, he looks around the room, desperate for inspiration.  He sees a picture of a vicious looking shark hanging on the wall.

WRITER/DIRECTOR

Yeah, I’ve got a great one called Shark…

He looks frantically to his computer, desperate to finish the sentence and sees the serene lake of his screen saver.

WRITER/DIRECTOR

Lake!  Shark Lake!  No wait, that doesn’t make any-

STUDIO EXEC

It’s perfect!  We’ll buy it!  See my girl on your way out and

she’ll get you your check for a million dollars.*

END SCENE

Anyway, regardless of how it got made, Shark Lake is here, baby, and only time (and people watching it on Netflix while drinking heavily) will determine if it’s a So Stupid Its Entertaining type of movie or a So Stupid, but Not in a Fun Way, type of movie.  Either way, I am excited about this addition to the list of films with Shark in the title! Now with the Sharknado franchise and Shark Lake, I think we could see an entire subgenre of silly shark gore movies developing here.  What could be next?  Sharks on a Plane?  (No, too complicated, too “done.”)  What about Sharks Gone Wild?  It would be about going on a murder spree during Spring Break!

…wait, is that actually a great/awesome/$$$$ idea????  Stop reading this!  Get me my agent!  (Okay, I do not have an agent.)  Anyway, go watch Shark Lake and tell me what you think!  (And also please forget about reading the concept for my unstoppable money making blockbuster, Sharks Gone Wild.)  Thanks!

*I may not exactly know how Hollywood works.

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Movie (or TV) Monday: I Guess I’m Gonna Watch A Star Wars Movie???

Not to go two weeks in a row exploring the theme of what Maureen is reluctantly watching, but tonight I found myself uncharacteristically interested in Star Wars!  The new trailer came out and it looks… really fun, right?

Now, full disclosure: I never saw Star Wars as a child or a young adult, so I do not have the nostalgia or adoration or all consuming obsession that some of my friends do.  And, even though I went to several of my film school classes at USC in the Lucas building, I actually didn’t even get around to watching Star Wars until after I had graduated.  (I’M SORRY, GEORGE LUCAS.)  And then once I saw them, I thought they were, I guess, I don’t know… fine.  (AGAIN, I’M SORRY, GEORGE LUCAS.)  But I think it’s like Goonies – if you see it for the first time as an adult, you are just not going to love it as much as people who adored it as kids.  (And yes, I’m admitting I also didn’t see and have no real love for the Goonies, so I guess I have firmly established myself as some kind of a heartless, soulless monster!)

But anyway, I think I will give this new Star Wars a chance!  (Maybe, after learning from my experience of viewing Goonies in a theater full of die hard fans yelling things I didn’t understand at the screen, I will give it a chance at home, on Netflix.)  But still!  Exciting news, on the Maybe I’ll Finally Be A Part of this Cultural Phenomenon front!

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Movie (or TV) Monday – Carol

I’m not ordinarily a romantic drama person, per se.  I believe you can only watch a couple be brutally torn apart by extenuating circumstances (generally war, one of them is married or one of them is dying) so many times before it starts to seem like an episode of HGTV’s Buying and Selling – EXACTLY THE GOD DAMN SAME EVERY DAMN TIME.  (But with, you know, more Oscars.)  However, I happened upon the trailer for Carol and was intrigued.  First, I must admit, I was drawn in by the fact it’s just so pretty.  I mean, it’s is a beautiful looking film full of gorgeous costumes and make up, and the fact it was shot in 16mm (my sentimental fave from film school days) excited the latent film nerd in me.

But second and obviously much more importantly, this particular tragic love story, is not about a heterosexual couple, which in and of itself makes it rare for mainstream cinema.  In fact, as I was thinking about the very few great gay, lesbian and/or trans love stories I’ve seen on the silver screen I was honestly kind of shocked that since, say, the 2000’s we haven’t picked up the pace on making more non straight romantic dramas.  I mean, the entire point of a romantic drama is that there has to be an obstacle to the Great Love.  Why then would we be neglecting the obviously romantic and tragic love stories that certainly flourished in the giant swath of human history during which gay and lesbian relationships were either literally illegal or would otherwise ruin your life if you loved in a public manner?  Not to mention you still obviously have the old standbys of romantic dramas (war, marriage, death) readily available in gay stories too, just with another added layer of necessary secrecy from society during the most repressed times and places for gay and lesbian people.  (And guys, everyone knows that secrecy and repression makes romantic dramas WAY HOTTER.)

Anyway, enough preamble, let’s get to the trailer for Carol:

As you can see, Carol is one of those neglected non straight love stories that I feel like we should be seeing so much more of in mainstream cinema.  It’s full of the life blood of romantic drama – longing, pain, conflicted desires, and really, really attractive people falling in love and probably doing it. And hopefully due of its overwhelmingly positive reception thus far, Carol will have strong box office numbers and help open the floodgates for many more GLBTQ love stories on the big screen.

And can I just say (of course I can, this is my blog) as much as people complain about millennials and political correctness, I am so fucking glad to live in an era where people are really pushing back against the nearly all white and all straight canon of mainstream film and television and demanding that others stories and other characters have their moment in the spotlight as well.  Because honestly, it’s way past time.  And just selfishly, as a film and television enthusiast, by limiting our movies and television to the mostly straight and white, we have been missing out on so many interesting stories.

Anyway, if you feel similarly (or if you were simply bewitched by this gorgeous trailer) but your money where your mouth is and support Carol when it comes out in theaters November 20th.

PS – In addition to the obviously gorgeous Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara, there is bonus Kyle Chandler period clothes/style hotness for anyone interested in such.  Like me.  Like me A LOT.

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Movie (or TV) Mondays: I Want to Watch THE HELL Out of this Version of Macbeth

Guy, I don’t know how this is possible, but I have no recollection of Macbeth.  I mean, I MUST have read it at some point in high school, but even though I remember my favorites from that time period (Pride and Prejudice!  The Color Purple!) and my least favorites (F you, Charles Dickens!) I seriously just don’t remember Macbeth at all.  So, I’m excited for this movie because a.) if I watch it, I will suddenly feel better educated without, you know, having to read Macbeth, and b.) it stars Michael “Hi, I’m Total Physical Perfection” Fassbender.

Oh, and c.) THIS TRAILER LOOKS FREAKING AMAZING:

I am going to be there with bells on.  (And possibly with the cliff notes version of Macbeth, just in case I get lost.) Please tell me someone else is as excited about this as I am!

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Mean Maureen’s Weekly Internet Round Up!

Malala rprior to meeting the DSG SG Meets Photo Opportunity: The Secretary-General and Ms. Malala Yousafzai Special Event: Interactive conversation to mark 500 Days of Action for the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) Participants: The Secretary-General; The President of the General Assembly 68th session; Malala Yousafzai, Education Advocate and Co-founder of the Malala Fund; Amy Robach, News Anchor with ABCÕs Good Morning America.

WOO HOO, IT’S FRIDAY!!!  I’m in a good mood this Friday because I am feeling pretty decent, pregnancy wise (finally), AND because I just started work on a new show.  (I work in reality tv post production, for those who don’t know.)  Anyway, I love the first week of a new show because it’s mostly watching footage and getting an idea of the cast members and the show – it’s a relaxing and fun time.  (Before the inevitable chaos ensues.)  So, I’m enjoying the calm before the storm and looking forward to finally being done unpacking our damn apartment this weekend.

But first, things!  From the internet!

I too, cannot stop reading these 1 star yelp reviews of National Parks.  (And, a related bonus from Outside magazine – a complaint that Yellowstone’s bears aren’t trained as well as they should be.)  GUYS, PEOPLE ARE DUMB.

Speaking of National Parks, Travel and Leisure has a list of the best “secret” ones.  (Not sure how secret they are, but they all sure look beautiful.)

From the realm of pure delight, Gawker has a series of delightful baboon stock footage that everyone should look at immediately.

And I don’t normally go in for cute little kid videos (I typically prefer my cute in animal form) but this British child learning that he’s going to be a big brother is freaking INSANELY ADORABLE.  It’s a little long, but worth it for the accent alone.  (Side note – how do I quickly immigrate to England so our baby can grow up with a British accent???)

Finally, it was National Women’s Equality Day this week and in honor of that, I’m posting the trailer for the upcoming documentary He Named Me Malala, about Malala Yousafzai, the incredibly inspiring and brave activist for women’s education who was shot in the head by the Taliban, but survived, and continues to devote her life toward bettering educational opportunities for every woman, everywhere.  She’s a real life superhero and I admire her so much.  I’ll be in line to see this movie the second it comes out in October.

And that’s it for this week, dear readers!  Have a wonderful weekend!

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Movie (or TV) Mondays – SOMEONE MAKE THIS STORY INTO A MOVIE IMMEDIATELY!!!

You how sometimes you’ll read an article about something or someone and think hey, that should be a movie?  Well, today, I read a news story that actually made me ANGRY that it wasn’t already a movie because I desperately want to be watching it RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

All right, calm down Maureen and tell them the story.  *deep breath to calm excitement*

So, the story is that two 85 year old identical twins, Van and Carl, are searching for a crew so they can sail around the world until they die, at which point, they would like their crew to dump their bodies overboard so that they can “do down a chute into the water and swim with the fishes for eternity.”  Let me repeat that in all caps to express my giddy excitement – TWO 85 YEAR OLD IDENTICAL TWINS WANT TO ADVENTURE ON THE HIGH SEAS UNTIL THEY DIE AND ARE POETICALLY BURIED AT SEA.

AND YOU CAN GO WITH THEM.

Doesn’t that sound freaking exciting and insane?  I mean, I never even considered having a cool death plan.  Insofar as I’ve thought about it at all, I guess the “plan” would be – die at home, preferably asleep, even more preferably not on the toilet.  But to plan an amazing aquatic adventure?  To travel the seven seas UNTIL YOU DIE?  TO MAKE PEOPLE BURY YOU AT SEA???  It’s awesome.  It’s impressive.  It’s… really making me jealous I didn’t think of this first, so *I* could be the cool old broad you read about in an article and want to make a movie about.

But enough about my comparative lameness- let’s talk more about Carl and Van.

carlandvan

They grew up in a mansion with a butler and maids, until the Great Depression hit and they had to move into a row house.  But they still managed to learn to sail and have sailed off and on their whole lives.  In fact, they’re even kind of living the life aquatic right now (though in a much less glam way than their death plan) the twins currently live together in a powerboat docked in the Bronx, (after being priced out of their now trendy Brooklyn neighborhood.)

But Bronx, Schmonx – once their their plan is fully executed (crew procured, finances sorted) they plan to seriously upgrade – they’ll be galavanting around the high seas in this glorious beauty called the Peacemaker.

peacemaker

Can you even imagine?  CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?  (Sorry, this story is bringing out my weakness for CAPSLOCK EXCITEMENT but I can’t help it!)

Anyway, the story isn’t just a simple as  two identical twins having a unique, ocean themed way to die, there are plenty of odd quirks to make it even more interesting and to provide opportunities for the story to go a bit off the rails.  For example, the Peacemaker was possibly owned by missionaries doing good work around the world.  OR possibly owned by a religious cult and was maybe made so beautiful out of child slave labor.  Also, Carl and Van are both crazily right wing and Carl plans to be fully armed during this voyage, so he can shoot anyone hostile who comes aboard.  And their top candidate for first mate, a mysterious real estate tycoon who doesn’t want his last name used, doesn’t seem to accept the idea that the twins really want to meet their end and then be dumped overboard.  Steve “No Last Name Please” Sketchy Person states, “It’s a little weird. Van kind of brings it up and he’s like, ‘I want to teach you everything I know so when you dump me into the sea you can take over.  I’m hoping that’s just some kind of expression,” Steven said. “It’s not something I really want to think about.”

IT’S NOT AN EXPRESSION, YOU DUMMY, IT IS LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT OF THE TRIP.   JESUS.  Get with the program, Steven!

But anyway, I don’t care about Steven really, and I don’t even care what kind of movie this ends up being, I just want it to be ANY kind of movie, and immediately, so I can watch the hell out of it.  I would love a documentary where you could see the real shit go down.  For fiction, the Coen brothers would knock this shit out of the park.  Ooh, or a Werner Herzog version that’s all meditative and weird and wonderful.  Or oh my god, a Wes Anderson take on this would be insane.  85 YEAR OLD IDENTICAL TWINS AS HIS STARS???  ON AN OCEAN VOYAGE TO MEET THEIR DEATHS???  I mean it would be amazing.  In fact, for the first time in my life I desperately wish I had Wes Anderson’s phone number so I could ring him up and say, “DUDE.  Have I got the story for you!”  (Do you think Wes Anderson answers to dude?  Probably not.)

Anyway, someone who knows Wes Anderson and what he likes to be called (I’m guessing Wes?  Maybe sir?) get in touch with him and make this mad journey a movie!   Because I really, really want to see it and am way too pregnant (okay, and lazy and cowardly) to follow these guys around the world myself.

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Movie (or TV) Mondays: Alan Rickman is the Cure for the Common Cold

alanrickmandiehard

Okay, that’s a bold claim, you might be thinking but look, I have proof!  Every time I’m bed bound with a terrible cold, I watch one or both of my two favorite Movies to Watch When I Feel Like Garbage: Die Hard and Sense and Sensibility.  (Perhaps on the surface, they may seem like an odd pair, but a.) they are both literally perfect movies in their respective genres, and b.) they both feature, my permacrush, Alan Rickman.)  Wait, sorry, where’s the proof that Alan Rickman cures colds, you say?  Well, here’s the deal.  I get sick, I watch these movies and… I recover from my illnesses EACH AND EVERY TIME.  And, the only commonality between the movies is Alan Rickman, ergo, Alan Rickman cures colds.

Sorry guys, this is just rock solid SCIENCE!

Plus, he's so handsome and brooding.  I mean is Kate Winslet's character BLIND THE FIRST 90% OF THE MOVIE??? Ahem.  Sorry.

Plus, he’s so handsome and stuff.

Anyway, next time you’re sick, I highly recommend the double feature of Die Hard and Sense and Sensibility.

If you want to live anyway.

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